I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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