Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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