His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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