I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This baby is an asshole
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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