And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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