Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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