I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
