9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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