just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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