i just had sex bonerless
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
