I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
