Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
