You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
