wrigley field is MILF paradise
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize