i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
