exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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