Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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