dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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