Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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