not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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