i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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