I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
