Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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