Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
