I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
