The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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