If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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