I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
