At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
