Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
