I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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