FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize