There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize