True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
