Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
