he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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