His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
