i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize