i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
