btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
