He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
