i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Life is so much better after having sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize