hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
