I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
