i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize