Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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