My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
