dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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