Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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