Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
