The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
