it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
