Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
