She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
