I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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