So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
