That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
