apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
