im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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