your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
