bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
