I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm passing your future prison.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
