I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize