I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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