i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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